There’s no racist comedians on tv anymore , id rather see bernard maning on mock the week than , that heavyset Irish chap, or the young lad with the unfortunate eye problem , or any of the wogs they let on now and again
Continue ReadingSaw a crocodile in a tuxedo the other day. I thought, what a snappy dresser.
Continue ReadingI was stopped in the street today by a charity worker who said, “In the spirit of ‘Mo-vember’ will you grow a ‘mo’ to raise some much needed funds and awareness for men’s health?” I replied, “In the spirit of ‘November’, no.”
Continue ReadingNothing says ‘I should get out more at the weekends’ quite like appearing offline.
Continue ReadingI’m not anti-lost, I’m just profound
Continue ReadingJust shaved me head, rolled up the Levi’s, zipped up me bomber jacket and laced up me cherry red Dr Martin boots ready for some aggro…. Now Mother says I’m “not allowed out” Sometimes I don’t know why I bovver…
Continue ReadingBeing a river inspector i intend to go mainstream
Continue ReadingI wish my doctor would make his mind up. One visit he tells me I urgently need to give up junk food, the next he’s telling me I urgently need a doner.
Continue ReadingStanding outside my house earlier and every sixty seconds a heavy cast iron disk went rolling past me. I thought… “weight a minute…”
Continue ReadingI recently went for a job at the head office of the Ordnance Survey. They kept asking if I could give them a reference. I told them, “N 50.93, W 01.47.”
Continue ReadingI sometimes wish I was a wizard, if only for a spell.
Continue ReadingI was testing my computer’s new webcam when two thugs broke into my home. They beat me up and made off with loads of my valuables. Fortunately, my webcam was running the whole time and recorded it all. So I phoned the police and told them what had happened, and said “I’ve got the whole […]
Continue ReadingMy indicators are on the blink…
Continue ReadingI phoned the wife today, “I had a terrible dream.” And? “You were there.” And? “What do you mean? And?
Continue ReadingI’m just off to watch the 2nd half of Rugby between Chelsea and Blackpool.
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