Category: embarassment

I was talking to my mum, ”What about that pretty girl of yours?” she asks. ”Who, Amber? I said. ”Yeah, I’ve been hearing a lot of noise coming from upstairs lately.” she said smiling. ”We broke up a 2 weeks ago mum.” I said. ”I know!” she said laughing, ”You’ve been in your room crying […]

A naked girl lay on top of her boyfriend, ‘something’s getting big’ she said. The boyfriend replied, ‘Glad you finally noticed! I can barely put it in your so fat.’

As a Kid I hated losing, so I played with myself.

The wife was livid that I had made a show of her in front of all my friends last night. With hindsight, I probably should have hidden the web cam in the bedroom a bit better.

I took my car for a service last week… Waste of time though, couldn’t quite fit it through the church doors!

“My old man’s a dustman. He wears a dustman’s hat” And that’s why I get Mum to pick me up from school.

I came home last night to find my son had thrown a party. The place was trashed. There was only one punishment that would be sufficient. So I fingered his mother while we slow danced in the front room.

The nurse came up to my hospital bed to check my pulse. “Wow.” she said. “It’s much faster than usual!” “That’s not my wrist you’re holding, nurse.”

I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to be able to piece together my twenties.

I gave my kid a smack on the bottom in the supermarket today. “You’re very naughty” I shouted, as she ran off crying. Yeah, my sixteen year old hates coming out with me.

I was at the motorway services the other day when a man in a yellow coat shouted over to me, “Are you with the AA, sir?”. I shouted back at him, “Do I look like an alcoholic!”

“Salary Theorem” states that “Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People.” This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates: 1. Knowledge is Power. 2. Time is Money. As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time Since: Knowledge = Power […]

Riverdance……… The only time it’s acceptable to cheer on a ginger

I must have been about 15 the first time I went to the pub. I ordered vodka and couldn’t believe I was getting served. The trouble started when the barman asked me what I wanted in it. Naively, I said “Milk and two sugars”.

I took my new girlfriend to the cinema last night, we sat at the back… There’s less chance of people seeing us together.