Category: beauty

I don’t really like my new hair. But I suppose it’ll grow on me…

Surely if Alpecin works, you would end up with really hairy hands?

Whenever I go into the toilet after my wife there is always a strong scent of air freshener. I’m so glad she likes her new perfume.

I approached a girl in a bar and told her she was one in a million. “Thanks” she said “That’s very sweet of you!” “Oh” I said “It’s not a compliment. I just can’t imagine that there are 999,999 uglier people.

My mate gets dumped pretty regularly, so I asked him how long it takes to get over a girl. He replied “Depends how fat she is.”

Girls who pull the trout pout in pictures are so obviously fishing for compliments.

I’d hate to be a woman. Besides the periods, the hair and beauty traumas, weight issues, and all the housework they have to do, have you noticed how they always seem to turn a funny orange/tan colour around winter time?

Today my boss told me my facial hair is bad for business, Nothing’s been said by any of the other escorts though.

I’ve almost finished developing an anti-ageing product and my wife has agreed to let me trial it on her tonight. I just need to find a silencer now.

Just heard that Ashleigh Hall who was killed in County Durham was ‘a lovely, lovely kid’ who was ‘the nicest’. Obviously she was nice – she had to be. She was hideous.

I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.

I used to hate facial hair!! But eventually, it grew on me.

My wife told me that I needed to go to the gym and get in shape. I replied, “I am in shape!” A sphere is a shape.

I saw the woman who’s in that wrinkle removal cream advert at a party. I asked her what her secret really is. “I’m twenty two”, she said.

Women must think I’m a handyman, since “help” is the first word out of their mouth when they see me.