Category: transport

I went off the rails when i was younger, it was a short lived career as a train driver

While I was driving, if my mate wasn’t adjusting the heating he was fiddling with the radio. I calmly stopped the car and applied the hand break. He’s been in plaster for two weeks now but at least he learnt a lesson.

Did you hear about the train crash today in Lincolnshire? I’m not too sure exactly what happened, but it was something along those lines.

The skateboard. The preferred mode of transport for people who have nowhere to be.

My friend Jack Hughes went to France, but whenever he introduced himself to people they got all defensive.

“You can tell a lot about a person by their car.” For example: if it’s in a ditch, it’s a woman.

Following an announcement that Manchester will be bringing in a congestion charge, Liverpool has announced an extension to its own scheme to deter cars from outside Liverpool from entering the city. Whereas Manchester and London’s respective schemes are administered by Metropolitan authorities and link charge payments to improvements in public transport, the Liverpool scheme is […]

I was driving along the motorway, when a pungent, peculiar smell began to emanate from underneath my hood. Obviously worried, I pulled over onto the hard shoulder to investigate. Yep. Sure enough, yeast infection.

I just received a text from a friend, “I’m so nervous driving on these slippery roads.” so the obvious way to increase his safety was by texting me.

I posted a joke about speeding yesterday. I got three points.

Speeding KILLS!…but eagerly watching the clock until it trips over to the next whole thousand kills so many more…

Two blondes were sat in traffic on the road. One says “It’s normally much quicker than this.” “Last time we got a lift with Dave though.” the driver replies. “What’s that got to do with it?” says the first. “Well, he knew how to make the engine start.”

I finally went on a road trip with my wife. It was only down to the supermarket, but at least this time she kept the car off the pavement.

On a Trans-Atlantic ship a captain calls a meeting of his officers: “I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want to hear first?” “The good news,” replies an officer. “We’ll get eleven Oscars.”

Just bought myself a new French car, it’s very nice but I can’t figure out how to get it out of reverse.