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Category: art

The wife went ballistic w …

November 16 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on The wife went ballistic w …

The wife went ballistic when I punched a constable yesterday. She was nearly as mad as the museum staff.

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I always thought auctions …

October 11 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I always thought auctions …

I always thought auctions were really boring, but the one I went too today was really exciting. Granted, I was sat at the back of the room with a tazer.

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News: “The Tate Modern …

May 18 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on News: “The Tate Modern …

News: “The Tate Modern has removed a nude photo of actress Brooke Shields aged 10 from its new exhibition over fears it will be a gathering place for paedophiles”. Okay guys I’m sorry but the minibuses wont be picking you all up now, your 5 deposit will be returned in the post shortly.

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My father gave me my firs …

January 31 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on My father gave me my firs …

My father gave me my first condom. Sadly, he was wearing it at the time.

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At the Last Supper, how c …

January 17 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on At the Last Supper, how c …

At the Last Supper, how come no one sat at the other side of the table?

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I’ve developed a foolproo …

January 17 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I’ve developed a foolproo …

I’ve developed a foolproof technique any of you can use to sculpt a model of an elephant. 1. Get a huge block of marble. 2. Chip away anything that doesn’t look like an elephant.

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Abstract erotic art… .. …

December 30 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Abstract erotic art… .. …

Abstract erotic art… …It’s the shape of things to come.

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Just finished reading 50 …

September 6 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Just finished reading 50 …

Just finished reading 50 shades of grey – I thought it was rather monochromatic.

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My girlfriend insisted on …

May 8 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on My girlfriend insisted on …

My girlfriend insisted on going to the art gallery so I went along with it and after an hour looking at pictures I called her over and said, “What about this one?” “Are you serious?” “Yeah, it’s the best one I’ve seen yet.” “If you don’t want to be here, then leave.” “When did I […]

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An artist tried to concen …

January 12 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on An artist tried to concen …

An artist tried to concentrate on his painting, but the attraction he felt for his nude model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her. She pushed him away. “Maybe your other models let you kiss them,” she said, “but I’m not that kind of girl!” “Actually, […]

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Went to a tarot card read …

December 3 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Went to a tarot card read …

Went to a tarot card reading with my wife recently. You should have seen the look on her and the old gypsy ladies faces when I drew the Death card. It was a look that clearly showed if I didn’t put the sketch pad and pen away I would not be coming to any further […]

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‘Every picture tells a st …

September 30 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on ‘Every picture tells a st …

‘Every picture tells a story’. The picture up in my house, tells me how bad security is at the Khalil museum, and that Van Gogh’s painting is not worth 32m.

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I lost so much cash throu …

August 6 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I lost so much cash throu …

I lost so much cash through having my art stolen recently, but fortunately this month I’ve Claude Monet back.

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I found an old unframed o …

July 1 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I found an old unframed o …

I found an old unframed oil painting in my loft yesterday of a beautiful naked lady so i mounted it

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‘Edvard Munch’s The Screa …

June 16 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on ‘Edvard Munch’s The Screa …

‘Edvard Munch’s The Scream sells for $120 million’. Victoria Beckham was going to bid for it.. Then she remembered that she had a mirror.

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