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I’d been trying to settle …

January 1 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I’d been trying to settle …

I’d been trying to settle down with one girlfriend for several years; however the problem mainly was that my mum didn’t like any of the girls I brought home. Brunettes were too dull, blondes too stupid, redheads too fiery. However, one day I met a girl who was exactly the same as my mum in […]

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Sickiphrantic (adj.) Cont …

January 1 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Sickiphrantic (adj.) Cont …

Sickiphrantic (adj.) Continually refreshing your browser after posting a joke to see if it’s been voted down.

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When Chelsea’s physio com …

January 1 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on When Chelsea’s physio com …

When Chelsea’s physio comes on the TV, I do the same thing.

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Definition of irony: Some …

January 1 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Definition of irony: Some …

Definition of irony: Someone cable tied my scissors.

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SKY NEWS- Take that Gigs: …

January 1 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on SKY NEWS- Take that Gigs: …

SKY NEWS- Take that Gigs: Drunk Women Spark A&E Surge Personaly, I dont see how this would affect him.

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BREAKING NEWS IN THE CABI …

January 1 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on BREAKING NEWS IN THE CABI …

BREAKING NEWS IN THE CABINET RESHUFFLE My Xbox 360 games have been moved to the bottom drawer.

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I was talking to a girl f …

January 1January 1 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I was talking to a girl f …

I was talking to a girl from the USA earlier. She told me, “I miss America.” I didn’t believe her though: her grammar was terrible and she wasn’t that attractive.

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I saw a flying saucer glo …

January 1 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I saw a flying saucer glo …

I saw a flying saucer glowing in the sky last night which I identified as a UFO. At which point it immediately ceased to be one.

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I’ve just heard about Dus …

January 1 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I’ve just heard about Dus …

I’ve just heard about Dusty Springfield… Matt Groening should start drawing some hoovers.

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I hate these online datin …

January 1 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I hate these online datin …

I hate these online dating scams. And so does my new Russian girlfriend who can’t wait to meet me now I’ve sent the 10,000 quid for her flight.

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Had a pretty somber conve …

January 1 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Had a pretty somber conve …

Had a pretty somber conversation with a friend of mine recently. It mainly centered around how his family name is Cyst. At that point in time his wife was in labour with his unborn child, and we were discussing the various ‘disease’ related names he used to get called at school. Told me it’d break […]

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Money can’t buy happiness …

January 1 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Money can’t buy happiness …

Money can’t buy happiness… but I’d rather cry in a Ferrari.

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‘Just been to a party at …

January 1 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on ‘Just been to a party at …

‘Just been to a party at a 70s disco divas house. We played a game where you had to throw a paki as far as you could’ ‘Donna summers?’ ‘No chuck a kahn’

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If I have four apples in …

December 31 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on If I have four apples in …

If I have four apples in my right hand and six in my left, why aren’t I using a bag?

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What are the two worst th …

December 31 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on What are the two worst th …

What are the two worst things about your mother-in-law? Her faces.

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  • I’d been trying to settle …

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