Category: sayings

Last night my Amish mate went,”My back is killing me,do you have any advice?” I went,”Mate you made your own bed,you sleep in it.”

Drink driving is likely to make you car less.

I’m not part of the clique at my local ‘stunt club’. They always leave me out of the loop.

If you cant stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Or alternatively, turn down the heat.

So Barack Obama has Irish heritage. He just needs to get himself a dog now and he’d be a pub landlord’s worst nightmare.

I saw this girl, distraught, holding 50 painkillers, threatening to take her life. I was going to intervene and then thought no, she clearly doesn’t have the bottle.

I’m special with a capital R.

My dad used to say “you shouldn’t trust anyone…” I didn’t believe him.

Rangers FC have unveiled a new kit for the 2012/13 season. Apparently, the material came from a batch of freshly counted chickens.

I’m struggling to find members to join my conspiracy theory society. Well, you know what they say. Rome wasn’t built.

My mate Leroy asked me, “How tall would you say I am?” I thought for a minute or two and said, “5’5 mate”. Just then he pulled out a knife and stabbed me. It just goes to show, my mum was right, “Never under estimate a black man.”

My other half was always having a go at me for getting sayings wrong. Now whenever she starts I just pretend I’m as deaf as a Dodo.

I was learning about gravity the other day. It’s very down to Earth.

Lady Gaga says ‘Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun’… it’s called sitting

Once you go black you’ll never go back…to having equal rights.