Category: exercise

I decided to get fit so I bought an exercise bike, and it’s great – I can go on it for hours on end. I pretend I’m going downhill and freewheel.

I made the mistake of buying a running machine the other day…. Haven’t seen it since.

I have finally figured out why the missus is so fat: the shampoo she uses in the shower, that runs down her body, clearly says, “for extra volume and body.” I’m going to recommend she uses dishwashing soap instead; it says, “dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove.”

Let us take a moment to think about all those poor people stuck in traffic on the way to the gym to spend hours on a treadmill going nowhere fast.

My wife just got me an exercise machine and apparently it’s not our new born son.

I miss being fat, the clapping sound when I’d run seemed to act as if I was being cheered on.

Was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.

I date girls that weigh 20 stone or more. Because they are the only ones that won’t run away from me.

Some people choose to go to modern gyms with stairmasters and treadmills. I choose to go to an old fashioned gym. It has the same equipment, only women and blacks aren’t allowed in.

I don’t know who came up with the idea that walking the dog is a good way to pick up woman. Whenever I’m out walking with my wife no one gives me a second look.

I did 10 one arm push-ups this morning, I was trying to get up off of the floor without putting down my beer.

So Kenny Dalglish says he hasn’t discussed targets at Liverpool yet. Surely telling the team that they are the big square netty things at each end called goals would be a good start?

My exercise instructor gave a demonstration on how to lose weight. I don’t think he showed all the exercises though. He skipped quite a lot.

I read in men’s health, that the most important thing to do when doing a workout programme is rest…Ive done that for 2 years now and I am still no fitter than before!

I’m terrified of the gym. Everytime I look at the treadmill I run a mile.