Category: joke

I was walking my dog this morning when a Paki stopped me and asked; “Why has your dog got a bandage on his face?” Me: “He had an accident and lost his nose” Paki: “That’s awful, how does he smell?” Me: “Nowhere near as bad as you”.

I’ve never really had the chance to say this often, so this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this.

I hated it in prison, I used to get beaten everyday. Turns out I’m rubbish at Playstation games.

Took a week off of work for some reflection. Basically it’s me dressing like a girl and chatting myself up in the mirror.

If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? 16F… or 546K

I don’t know why pandas have so much difficulty mating. It’s all there in front of them in black and white.

Jokes on Sickipedia are a lot like children. If you start stealing them you’ll get a bad reputation.

I lost control of the car earlier and ploughed into two people polishing their car. I think I’ve really hit the buffers this time.

The other day, my mate told me that joke: “How do you fit 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender! How do you get them out again? Doritos!” I thought: “Great, now how am I supposed to eat doritos and salsa again without feeling slightly aroused?!”

A horse walks into a bar and asks, “Why the long face?” “What?” asks the confused barman.

I was having a packet of kettle crisps with my Stella when the wife says “Why are those crisp bags so big”? I said “they’re made in Norwich you need a bigger bag to get a 6 fingered hand in”

BBC News : “Chickens die as lorry overturns” Investigations into why the chickens were crossing the road have so far only drawn really bad punchlines.

I played a little trick on my wife today… I gave her a large dose laughing gas on the way in to her mother’s funeral.

The Sun’s “Target A Troll” Campaign trying to get the details of wierdos making fun of tragedy handed over to the police… Is this some idea of a sick joke?

Why do women make sandwiches? Because they’re bread for it.