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Category: gardening

The drought prevention wa …

December 27 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on The drought prevention wa …

The drought prevention wardens said they’d had an anonymous tip-off that I’d got a sprinkler. I said yes, you would too if you had prostate cancer.

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I went to a ‘bush n garde …

June 19 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I went to a ‘bush n garde …

I went to a ‘bush n garden’ convention the other day , it was ridiculous I couldn’t get a word in hedgeways .

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I used to be a gardener. …

May 6 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I used to be a gardener. …

I used to be a gardener. But I lost the plot.

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Whenever I need help with …

November 24 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Whenever I need help with …

Whenever I need help with my gardening, I just go out in my short skirt, bend over to pick some weeds and soon enough I’ve loads of helpers.

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I was gardening when I sa …

November 16 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I was gardening when I sa …

I was gardening when I saw I had left an empty patch. So i put a rose bush there thinking ‘Thistle do’

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What has my daughter got …

September 26 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on What has my daughter got …

What has my daughter got in common with my garden? The family dog is happy to bury his bone in either.

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What have Gardening tools …

September 25 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on What have Gardening tools …

What have Gardening tools and People got in common? The Hoes are always with the Spades.

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‘im suffering a mole prob …

July 20 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on ‘im suffering a mole prob …

‘im suffering a mole problem, he gives out confidential information to other gardeners’

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Save a tree… …Kill a …

March 17 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Save a tree… …Kill a …

Save a tree… …Kill a vegetarian

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I hate my part time job a …

October 23 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I hate my part time job a …

I hate my part time job as a leaf blower, the pay is terrible. But if I was a gardener, I would be raking it in.

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I have planted a Bay tree …

July 5 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I have planted a Bay tree …

I have planted a Bay tree in my back garden. I can’t wait till it grows it’s first window.

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I bought some seeds at th …

April 3 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I bought some seeds at th …

I bought some seeds at the garden centre earlier today, and rushed back to plant them. The next morning, I found several Israeli children running around my yard. It was to be expected, I suppose. The seeds I bought were Jew-nippers.

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I screwed up my nicotine …

December 9 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I screwed up my nicotine …

I screwed up my nicotine patch today. Added too much water to the soil.

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We were going to slab out …

November 18 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on We were going to slab out …

We were going to slab out the back, but the wife said sod it.

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I’m certain more of my ho …

November 14 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I’m certain more of my ho …

I’m certain more of my house plants would survive if they had the ability to beg for water and food like my kids do.

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