Category: modern life

I was walking down the street when I saw about 12 people huddled round this old guy laying on the floor, one of them ran over to me and shouted “please tell me you’ve got a phone, we need to ring an ambulance or he’s going to die!” I replied “Sorry I haven’t” I don’t […]

Breaking a car window to steal CDs is the Old Skool way to download music.

I went to this club looking for a little bit of skirt for the night, all was going well until Brown Owl appeared.

MOBILITY SCOOTER DRIVERS. Attach a string of bananas behind your vehicle for that exciting Mario Kart look.

I’ve just quit my job as a submariner. I was under too much pressure.

behavioural psychology is the science of pulling habits out of rats

With a slight hesitation, I nervously inserted a finger: it felt warm and wet. She groaned. “I’m gonna need more than that,” she said. Taking a breath, I then inserted three more fingers. Her eyes widened. “Go on, put your whole hand in,” she demanded. I wanted to please her, so I did what she […]

I met this bird from New York in the pub this week and I took her out for dinner last night. I told her I knew this fantastic place that does really authentic native American food. She wasn’t too impressed though. Apparently they have MacDonalds in the US as well.

Life would be so much easier, if my sat nav had an “avoid ghetto” setting

Nothing says “I’m on the minimum wage” like sitting in McDonald’s with a high viz jacket on.

Heat magazine… For all the hot gossip on the hottest celebrities. Sickipedia… For all the sickest jokes on the cold celebrities.

If Sickipedia was a building, it would be a public toilet, seriously filthy and always out of order!!

Went round to my girlfriends father last night and asked if I could marry his Daughter “Ask her Mother” he said “Nah I would rather marry your Daughter” I said

1612: “Oh Charles, I write to inform you I have received your letter and I’ve been left quite speechless” 2012: “K”

When having a terrible day, say “I bet it will become worse” that way if it does, at least you can feel good that you were right about something.