Category: mythical

I was in Tesco earlier and the cashier said she felt like a zombie. Better safe than sorry I thought, so I stabbed her in the eye with a pen.

My mate said vampires can’t be real as they could get AIDs from peoples blood, I replied back “It depends on the colour of the person they bite”

Fairy tales are so unrealistic. It’s not the dragons, or the witches, or even all the magic. It’s the fact that there are all those sleeping princesses, and not once do you hear about them being the victims of opportunist rapists.

If a vegetarian becomes a Zombie…do they only eat people in comas?

I honestly don’t know why everyone is making such a fuss about their relationship. Mine is a walk in the park. Admittedly with a dog, but a walk in the park nonetheless.

Twilight is so pointless i mean why do they not just have a threesome and have it done with instead of wasting my time with all of these films.

Vampires won’t bother with Keith Richards. You can’t get blood from a stone.

So apparently it’s not all bad news if you get killed by Voldemort. Instead, you can become a teen vampire with the power to make 13 year-olds fall in love with you.

After watching a few zombie films I’ve come to the conclusion that I would be a cameraman in the event of a zombie-apocalypse. They never seem to attack them.

Edward Cullen. He doesn’t bite people, he looks like he resides in the woods, and he sparkles. Face it, he’s not a real vampire. He’s a fairy.

“It’s Bully from Bullseye!” I exclaimed as I saw the small statuette. “You aren’t really an expert in Cretan archeology are you?” replied the museum director.

BBC News: Despicable film eclipses Twilight. The BBC should really check their website, someone has typed the word ‘eclipses’ into the above heading

I wish my wife was more like the wanted. She’s never glad I came.

As any zombie will agree, the most important thing to look for in a woman is brains

I love Twilight. 2 to get some fake teeth. And then I can convince young girls to come into the forest with me, with a piggyback ride.