Category: diets

What’s the difference between a Leeds girl and an elephant? Two stone. How do you make them the same? Give the elephant a sandbag.

I was out on my first date with a girl from work and she asked “are you more of a cat or dog person”? ‘As long as there’s some tomato sauce I’ll eat anything!’ I replied.

I’m trying to drop two dress sizes for thr summer. The wife’s up to a 14 now!

Earlier today a fat girl said she was uncomfortable with her body, I’d be uncomfortable too If I had to carry all that weight around.

My wife’s really found her feet with this new Weight Watchers’ diet.

I went to a bulimia meeting today. I didn’t want to mention lunch but they kept bringing it up

Diets.. They’re for people who are thick and tired of it.

Had to think of a gravestone inscription for my wife. I think she would have approved.. “Finally found a diet that seemed to be working”

I walked in the pub yesterday and I couldn’t help but notice a guy sat at the bar scribbling on some paper and laughing hysterically. “Why are you so happy?” I asked. “My wife’s been on a diet for the last 4 days, and she’s lost 5 pounds.” the man replied. “What’s so funny about […]

I’ve nearly finished the pills the doctor gave me to stop me from being so greedy. I want some more.

Me: My fat wife is on a three week diet. Mate: How much has she lost so far? Me: Two weeks.

What does a diet and a black man have in common? They don’t work.

Its probably not a good sign when you step on your Wii Fit board and it says, 1 Player at a time please

These anaemic people can really take a leaf from Iron Man’s book..

The wife has gone on a crash diet… She dented the car so I knocked her teeth out.