Category: animals/insects

I pushed a farmers pig off the road away from an oncoming car today. Really saved his bacon.

A unicorn and a cyclops… Now that’s and accident waiting to happen.

How do you know if a police horse is lame. Its hooves go Good Clop, Bad Clop.

Lost my job as a shepherd because I couldn’t count the sheep. I kept falling asleep.

True story. A few years back I was being driven down to Wales with my girlfriend by her Father and his new girlfriend, who was the only other English person in the car. “Look over there”, said her dad, “the sheep are being sheared”. My reply of “Why, is there a dinner dance tonight?” only […]

“Doctor Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a cat” “How long have you felt like this?” “Since I was kitten”

There are so many animal rights activists around nowadays. You can’t even swing a dead cat without hitting one.

I can’t really blame pandas for not mating with each other. It must be weird doing it with someone who looks just like you.

I used to enjoy playing pokemon with my friends as a child, so last week I got the gang back together and we had a pokemon battle. However, the man from the RSPCA didn’t see it that way and we were jailed for dog fighting.

Whats the worst thing about going on safari? Knowing you wasted your money on an imac.

I’m new to farming, but I recently purchased several thousand battery hens based upon a sound business plan and excellent return on investment figures. I don’t wish to waste any money, so before I release any further funds, could somebody tell me whether chickens take AA’s or AAA’s? Thanks.

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with top speed of 120 feet/second is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.

I invited some mates over for a hog roast the other day. Just as the barbeque was about to be lit, my mate nudged me and said “Dave, I thought you said there was a vegetarian option.” I replied, “What do you think the apple in his mouth is for?”

Sorry Polar Bears, survival of the fittest and all that.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.