Category: people

Gingers are a lot like silver X-box live. They get around and talk but they never get invited to parties.

Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?

There are those who think they are better than others. Not me though, I’m above that sort of thing.

“I’m not a taxi service!” Yeah I know, and that’s why I’m not paying you.

My girlfriend never went that ‘Extra Mile’ for me. So I got a Restraining Order, now she has to.

I was once abducted by aliens. They made me wipe my face, blow my nose and eat my greens. I think I was on board the mothership.

putting a turtle neck jumper on a bald person so he looks like a roll-on deodorant.

‘Are you aware of the phrase delusions of grandeur?’ ‘Yes, since I made it up.’

If there’s one thing I hate. It’s people who moan about other people.

I had an accident three years ago. He’s sitting next to me.

I was driving north on the m6 past Stafford, when I saw a sign reminding me to “Think Bike.” Ironically, at the very same time, I found myself thinking the words “Katie Price.” How odd.

This year, there is no excuse for people to say they haven’t been able to get that beach body they’ve wanted this summer. I’ve put a little flag in the sand on top of each one I buried. There’s hundreds. You’re welcome.

Friends: Gods apology for relations.

Welcome to Schizophrenia Anonymous, nice to see so many people here today…

“Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen” or in other words; punch her in the face and she’ll stick around.