Category: money

Money can’t buy happiness… but I’d rather cry in a Ferrari.

By using my employee discount at work I’ve managed to make a profit However, it turns out theres ‘No such thing’ as employees discount at the Bank of England and I am now in jail

Why is it that people complain about the amount of money that footballers get paid, then when they see them play they throw more money at them??

So Nationwide have said that they were “disappointed” that it took six hours before someone reported that one of their cash machines was paying out too much money. I wonder if that is a different kind of “disappointed” felt by their customers with base rate tracker mortgages when they said they were not going to […]

What do you find at the bottom of a Jewish wishing well? Dead Jews with broken rappels.

I’m rich beyond my wildest dreams. Although my dreams are far from wild.

I’ve just got a doctors note and have taken the rest of the day off work. It was a fifty, and that should keep me in beer all afternoon.

My family are really poor. On my 12th birthday they put half a cake with six candles up against a mirror.

I have just been down to the Dale Farm Bureau de change. They do an excellent rate on travellers cheques.

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting… Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office. Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use […]

I’ve just impressed a girl online by telling her I’ve been offered a new job with a 10 figure salary. I love working in Zimbabwe.

Now that I’m married, I keep a photo of my family where I used to keep my money when I was single.

I don’t believe in change, I pay the exact amount.

I opted for a bit of change in my life… So I went begging.

So Ireland are bankrupt and they want the UK to bail them out. I’ll do my part by buying some guinness.