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Category: children

Ironically, actually havi …

December 31 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Ironically, actually havi …

Ironically, actually having a child is the best form of contraception.

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There were problems when …

December 20 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on There were problems when …

There were problems when my baby son was delivered, We were out so they took him round the neighbours, we had to wait all day to collect him.

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Little kid fell in the ho …

December 19 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Little kid fell in the ho …

Little kid fell in the hole I dug in my garden, when he hit the bottom there ws a splash from the water below. Couldn’t help but think, Oh well.

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I spotted a lonely boy in …

December 18 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I spotted a lonely boy in …

I spotted a lonely boy in the park. Being the nice person that I am, I played basketball with him. My fun ended when he got stuck in the hoop.

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My 10 year old son said, …

December 15 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on My 10 year old son said, …

My 10 year old son said, “Dad, I know something really funny! One skin, two skin, three skin …foreskin! haha!” I said, “Well done son, I’m proud of you. I know a better one though. One play, two play, three play …you were adopted.”

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Last night I told to my m …

December 14 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Last night I told to my m …

Last night I told to my mate that like to I kidnap children and hold them hostage. He was horrified, “How do you sleep at night?” I replied, “On a pile of ransom money, thanks.”

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I was banging my girlfrie …

December 12 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I was banging my girlfrie …

I was banging my girlfriend last night in every conceivable position, when she yelled out “I love doggy!!!” Funnily enough, I think they were my first words too.

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Those children in Africa …

December 8 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Those children in Africa …

Those children in Africa think they are poor? When I was a kid, I didn’t have enough money to buy a memory card for my Playstation 1.

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Trying to find my way aro …

November 30 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Trying to find my way aro …

Trying to find my way around the new gym I accidentally walked into a room full of young children changing. I apologised for the confusion and left. After a few minutes…

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Even though I’m a cub sco …

November 15 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Even though I’m a cub sco …

Even though I’m a cub scout leader, I’m still nervous around kids. But when we all dressed up as Red Indians the other day I did feel a little brave.

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My wife and I had to run …

November 11 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on My wife and I had to run …

My wife and I had to run to the shops for five minutes, and so we left our four-year-old son unattended with a jigsaw to keep him amused. Imagine our surprise when we came back to discover he had sawn off four of his fingers.

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I was in Portugal a few w …

November 11 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I was in Portugal a few w …

I was in Portugal a few weeks back when i saw the cutest little 3 year old girl and i found myself thinking, ‘When in Rome…’

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I walked into a room in t …

November 9 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I walked into a room in t …

I walked into a room in the hospital to find a man and woman sobbing. I said, “I’d like to offer my condolences.” They said, “No you don’t understand, we’ve just had a baby.” I said, “I know, I can see it, it’s minging”

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My friend has had her kid …

November 7 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on My friend has had her kid …

My friend has had her kids taken away after social services said she isn’t a fit mother. Personally, I reckon she’s bang tidy.

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I asked my son today what …

November 6 qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I asked my son today what …

I asked my son today what he wanted to be when he grows up. He says he wants to be a fireman. I asked him if he had an urge to help people and save lives but he replied ”no Daddy, I just like watching people burn to death”. He is such a character.

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