Category: neighbours

My neighbour is committing fraud, she’s got a “Baby on Board” sign in the back window of her Car. She hasn’t even got a baby. It died yesterday.

I think my new neighbours are really poor… you should have heard the fuss they made when their 2 year old kid swallowed a 10 pence coin earlier

My neighbours listen to some amazing music, whether they like it or not.

I have a feeling our neighbors are inbred. I asked the daughter out on a date & her dad came out & said that she doesn’t do long distance relationships.

If I ever win the lottery, all of my neighbours are going to be so rich! I’m going to move to a rich neighbourhood.

I was walking past my next door neighbours when I noticed her house was on fire, so I stripped naked ran in there and tried kissing her. I don’t know what I was thinking, it was all in the heat of the moment.

The girl next door has beautiful soft skin. I’m wearing it right now.

My next door neighbours kid kicked his football into my garden again this afternoon, so I shot it with my air rifle. I only got his leg, but that should be enough to stop him in future.

Neighbour: “I was wondering if you could check your shed only my Cat has gone missi..” Me: “-Before we go any further, Margaret, is there a reward?” Neighbour: “Well, Yes…I imagine..?” Me: “-How much?” Neighbour: “I suppose, Twenty pounds?” Me: “In that case, No, I haven’t seen your cat..” “Which is a shame because I […]

“How’s the flat you’re living in in London, Jock?” asks his mother when he calls home to Aberdeen. “It’s okay,” he replies, “but the woman next door keeps screaming and crying all night and the guy on the other side keeps banging his head on the wall.” “Never you mind,” says his mother, “don’t you […]

I thought I’d caught my neighbour spying on me with their binoculars last night. It was just my reflection in their bedroom mirror though.

I just got skylights put in my place. The woman upstairs is furious.

I walked up to my blind next door neighbour walking with his guard dog. I said, “Eh up Dave, their letting dogs in the pub now mate.” He said, “That’s nice, you can take your missus out for a drink now then.”

My neighbours called the cops on me again for playing the drums at 3 in the morning. They should just buy me a set so I can practice in my own house.

I was going through my Sky+ planner, deleting some old films when I shouted to my wife “Shall we get rid of Jennifer’s body?!” Not a good idea when you have nosy neighbours…