My dad paints all of his …
My dad paints all of his pictures in his own blood. He suffers for his art.
Continue ReadingMy dad paints all of his pictures in his own blood. He suffers for his art.
Continue ReadingA new exhibition where the artist uses human excrement to create celebrity portraits opens tomorrow. There’ll be some familiar faeces on show.
Continue ReadingFelt it would be a good idea to draw straws with my mates to see which one of us went for the munter out of a group of girls. And people say my a BA in Art would be useless.
Continue ReadingDamien Hirst partner has walked out on him for another man. Like a dead cow in an art gallery he must be gutted.
Continue ReadingWent to an M.C. Escher exhibition today. All the best prints were on the second floor but unfortunately I couldn’t get there.
Continue ReadingSalvador Dali walks into a fish and orders a pint of stamps. The barman says, “Why the bicycle wheel?”
Continue ReadingAll the best artistic ideas are kept inside drawers.
Continue ReadingAs a painter, I’m proud to say some of my work can be seen in the National Gallery. I did the skirting boards.
Continue ReadingI’ve just found a portrait of a policeman in the loft. I think it’s a Constable.
Continue ReadingHow do we know Vermeer had a low sperm count? Well, it’s not ‘Girl with a Pearl Necklace’ is it?
Continue ReadingFifty shades of grey The first ever book for dogs
Continue ReadingWhen Damien Hirst cuts a shark in half and preserves it in formaldehyde, he’s a visionary artist. When I do it, I get banned from the aquarium.
Continue ReadingVincent Van Gogh. There’s a man. Everyone said to him “you can’t be an artist! You only have one ear!” and you know what he said? “Sorry, I can’t hear you”.
Continue ReadingI drew a blank in my art exam.
Continue ReadingMy mate hung himself in a modern art gallery. It was three weeks before anyone noticed.
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