Me and my mates are start …
Me and my mates are starting an AC/DC tribute band. We’re gonna be called the Half Wave Rectifiers.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
What men want in a relati …
What men want in a relationship is to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.
Continue ReadingI thought I saw an Alpaca …
I thought I saw an Alpaca in a field today, but it turned out to be something slightly different. False a llama.
Continue ReadingAmazon Kindle App: “Buy N …
Amazon Kindle App: “Buy Now, Read Everywhere” Y’know what else you can buy now and read everywhere? A book.
Continue ReadingThe tips of my feet have …
The tips of my feet have been asleep for weeks, I’m really worried about them. I think they’re coma toes.
Continue ReadingMy wife said she fancies …
My wife said she fancies a night on the tiles. So Ive sent her up onto the roof to adjust the TV aerial.
Continue Readingmy girlfriend is leaving …
my girlfriend is leaving me because of my conspiracy theories… or is that what the government wants me to think???
Continue ReadingMy new bulimia charity ca …
My new bulimia charity campaign has been quite successful. I’ve received a lot of feedback.
Continue ReadingI asked my Italian friend …
I asked my Italian friend which part of Scotland Elgin is in? He said thats a’Moray.
Continue ReadingMy boss gave me the sack …
My boss gave me the sack for using the company car to do my weekly shop… Im gutted. I loved working at the funeral directors.
Continue ReadingTo commemorate the 40th a …
To commemorate the 40th anniversary of the moon landing, the three astronauts from Apollo 11 visited the White House. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were allowed to set foot inside the White House, while Michael Collins was forced to drive around in circles outside.
Continue ReadingI was raised Catholic but …
I was raised Catholic but I’m trying to become a Lutheran so I can get on board to try and kill Superman.
Continue ReadingI gave this dyslexic girl …
I gave this dyslexic girl a facial the other day. Afterwards I told her “you’re the stupidest girl I’ve ever come across”.
Continue ReadingI was talking to this guy …
I was talking to this guy at the gym about push-ups. “How many reps would you usually do?” he asked. “A million,” I rep lied.
Continue ReadingSome cause happiness wher …
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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