Category: wordplay

I saw a homeless guy on the side of the street with a sign that read, “Change please”. I looked at him and said, “No, I like what I’m wearing.”

What is yellow and white, and throws itself off the edge of the dining table? A lemming meringue.

I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier. Must be going through a tough period in her life.

Just seen on the side of a van “Robert and Robert Painters and Decorators” Sounds a bit of a two bob outfit to me.

I got a mug shot taken today. Why I had a picture of a mug, I don’t know.

Today, a guy put a gun to my head and demanded a coconut-filled chocolate bar. I hate Bounty Hunters.

I was going to enter the “Football Supporter Of The Year” contest but everybody says I have no chants

I bought my baby son Microsoft Office. It’s his first Word.

I went to the local pub for a drink the other night, but couldn’t help being distracted by a well dressed man moping in the corner. After a while I went over and asked him his story. He told me he was a Lord of a nearby county, but the credit crunch had hit too […]

Unsure what form of skating to take up? Go figure.

Apparently we are going to have a heat wave this summer, the Department of Health has written some guidelines for staying cool: Wear aviators, Smoke, Get a motorbike, Learn to fix things by thumping them……

I’ve just found out that a ‘hand shandy’ isn’t really a drink. Needless to say, the bar-maid got a good tip.

No one’s just left me. Because no one says I refuse to acknowlege no one’s existence.

I was working a broad last week. She loved it.

I accidently put my phone in the fridge yesterday. Been getting cold calls ever since.