Category: wordplay

What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen.

I went to a party especially for people with a small vocabulary. The drinks were good. The food was good. The music was good. But then there were the women, they were good. It was good.

This bloke asked me what the fractional part of a decimal number was. I said, ‘that’s beyond the point’.

I’ve just finished reading Mr Kipling’s autobiography. Normally i struggle to read those kind of books. But that was a piece of cake.

An albino zebra walks into a bar. The barman says ”I thought you were barred?”

I am fully behind the campaign – “Kick Cancer”. I also support “Punch Leukemia” and “Trip Up Measles”.

I tried and failed at making a suitcase earlier. I couldn’t handle it.

I’m attempting to smash the world record for balancing on a bread type savoury. I’m actually doing really well. I’m on a roll.

I think I’m going to have to give up smoking. As well as it being expensive, I just don’t know what to do with all these kippers.

Advert: Nothing compares to Actimil Follow On. Well, I’ll use nothing then.

When deciding whether to permit the possession and use of marijuana, politicians should just think aloud.

Diamonds, Clubs and Spades walk into a bar. How Heartless.

Yesterday I painted my black slave’s hands white to see if it could be a little more productive. It worked.

My wife is cool, and she doesn’t mind me seeing other women. She’s dead.

After watching BBC’s Stargazing, I realised I have to buy a telescope. But the prices are astronomical.