Category: wordplay

My Jamaican friend said he’s going to start a business selling cocaine….. But it all went to pot

My boss caught me doing the tango at work today and say, “Oi, do that on your own time!” So now I do a bit of break dancing.

BBC NEWS: Amy Winehouse died from alcohol withdrawl. I belive we have discovered the definition of irony.

I just got off the phone to directory enquiries, the girl on the phone started chatting me up, telling me that she’s completely clean shaven. She’s a smooth operator.

Stallones son is dead? It’s a good job I’m a cannibal, Sage goes well with pork.

Matt Damon’s wife has threatened to divorce him unless he shaves more regularly. It’s the Braun Ultimatum.

My mate told me last night that he won a darts match with a double 25. But I think he’s talking bull.

I bought a purple cheese grater from IKEA today. I didn’t even know you could get purple cheese.

My mate is a Liverpool fan and yesterday had a trial there. It didn’t go too well though. The judge sentenced him to 6 months.

What kind of shampoo do rodents use? Gerbil Essences.

Bulimics of the world, uneat!

Surely Justin Bieber’s new movie should just be called “Say”?

What do you call a male virgin? Humphrey.

They say, “Once you go black you never go back!” I say, ” Everything taste better on a Cracker!”

I was out walking around my village when a young girl rode past me on her bike. “Nice night for a ride!”, I said. “Yes, it is”, she responded. Your honour.