Category: wordplay

I never respected other peoples customs. Which is why I was arrested for drug smuggling.

“Dr Jekyll, you can run but you can’t ……… er, ok .. forget it”.

I’m 6 foot 7 so I’m always looking down on people. Especially my sister, she got pregnant when she was 13.

I hate my job as a window cleaner in Provence. Aix and panes everywhere.

Why does Shane Warne never go to bed late? So he can get up Hurley

When it comes to politics I tend to lean towards the left. But when it comes to alcohol, I tend to lean on things that arent even there.

How many minimalists does it take to change a lightbulb. None.

Why do Marty McFly and The Doc think they’re so special? I’m always travelling forward in time.

I got myself a new toy – it’s a laminator. Basically, it’s a machine that kills baby sheep.

I think morgues are really unfashionable. I certainly wouldnt be caught dead in one.

Woman in South London attacked and killed by Belgian Mastiff. Police say she kept in the festive spirit right to the end, when she let out a little mauled whine…

Twice now, I’ve been arrested for stealing watches from jewellers all over town and using them to reinforce the wooden framework around my property. I’ve not been charged though as it’s my sekonda fence.

I was trying to write a novel whilst driving earlier but I hit a wall.

You may have wondered why ‘period’ and ‘full stop’ mean the same thing. If so, try going down on your girlfriend at the wrong time of the month.

I like to write jokes on distances but I’ve gone too far this time.