Category: wordplay

I spilt tea all over some of the cards from the Monopoly game, just as it was my turn. I have ruined my Chances.

Giraffe walks into a bar. “Sorry mate”, said the barman, “We don’t serve Heineken here.”

American News: “Hundreds Attend Trainer’s Funeral” That must have been one comfy shoe.

I recently lost my job in a shoe shop for accidentally causing a fire. It was sole destroying.

A mute incontinent. Goes without saying.

The fleshlite- For when you can’t give a toss

SKY NEWS : Thai Floods Kill 57 – But Is Worse To Come? Who is this ‘worse’? … and why is he masturbating ?

Tomorrow is my first day at a factory that makes thermometers. Unfortunately, its only a temp job.

I went for a meeting at the T-Mobile head office yesterday. Unsurprisingly, it had no reception.

Been asked to come up with a method of neatly storing post-lobotomy body parts at the hospital. I’ve been racking my brains ever since.

I keep checking out my girlfriend’s profile. She looks quite attractive from the side.

I started a company manufacturing expensive fake wounds for halloween costumes, but the price of the components has suddenly risen, So we had to made some budget cuts…

An architect wrote down and drew out a design for a new building. He then decided to take a break and went for a cup of tea. However, when he arrived back at the place where he’d left his design, he found it wrapped in a shiny, aluminium cover. His plan had been foiled.

I forgot to put my spade back in the shed yesterday. No wonder he’s run away.

Last night I dreamt that I was captured by a pirate with trademark mouldy teeth. Said his name was Captain Plaquebeard.