Category: wordplay

I’ve got a double-barreled surname. I’m called Dave Shotgun.

I went to the doctor feeling ill and he said “Lie down and cover yourself in salt”. “How will that help?” I asked. “Don’t know”, he said, “But in a week’s time you’ll be cured”.

Surely there should be a shorter word for monosyllabic?

I was doing some DIY earlier when my daughter told me she was bored. So i nailed her to the shelf.

I got sacked as a music teacher at a primary school. I was told, teaching the girls to finger their organs was inappropriate.

My five-year old daughter just came up to me and said “Daddy, I want to be a dolphin! Please, please, please make me into a pretty dolphin!” So I sat her down and said, “Honey, I can’t do that. But I can give you the next best thing! Hugs and tickles!” Then I hugged her […]

I was touched yesterday when my black wife came up to me and said “Baby, I believe in you.” Until she started packing her bags and took the kids.

Being the Dare Devil that I am, I’ve decided to go to TGI Fridays, on a Monday.

I’ve been stealing sausages from the factory where I work and now I’m paranoid that the owners are on to me. Feels like the Walls are closing in on me.

How do you make a cat drink? 1 cat, 2 lemons, Vodka and serve with ice.

I enrolled at a ‘Lock-picking for beginners’ course at College in September. But I’m still struggling to get into it.

Anyone want to buy a pack of Polos? They’re in mint condition

Everything is easier said than done. Except for talking, that’s about the same.

I ran over my dog with the lawnmower yesterday. He’s ok now though, after a little retail therapy.

My wife just made me a sandwich. If I’m honest, being in the middle of two slices of bread isn’t all it’s cracked up to be