Category: wordplay

There I was, racking my brains when the Manager came over and said, “Oi! You’re getting Cerebrospinal fluid all over my pool table!”

“I had a mate whose nickname was Dekker” I said to my wife “Was his real name Derek then?” She asked “No, his name was Mick” I replied, “We called him Dekker because he used to hit women”

I decided to return some swimming shorts today… They must be broken, they only floated when I put them in some water.

A double glazing salesman knocked at the door today. He promised me an excellent deal……but I could see right through him!

I would love to be minted, that way I would always have fresh breath

The wife thinks I’m mad for putting glue on a pair of duelling pistols. But I’m sticking to my guns

I split up with my girlfriend because we argued about her single bed. We kept falling out.

My Wife said she wanted Chanel No. 5 for her Birthday. She’s going to be made up, all I had to do was re-tune the freeview box.

Why worry about the black kids standing by your new car? ‘We need to remove the stereo’ types.

My girlfriend was disappointed when I bought her New York flights for her birthday. But not as disappointed as I was when I found out she didn’t even play darts.

Advice if you’re intending to teabag your girlfriend: take care not to strain yourself.

Thinking of opening a wine shop in Newcastle. Going to call it Alan Shiraz

My mate said to me, “I want you to use your car as an escape vehicle while I rob a bank.” I said, “Get away!”

I received some chain mail through the post last week. I am now better equipped than the British army.

My mate has lost both arms in a car crash. I can’t even imagine how he’s feeling.