Category: animals/insects

As the bad guy ran away, I took out my Colt, levelled it, took careful aim and squeezed. ‘Neigh!’

Has anyone else realized that when you run into a spiderweb you suddenly turn into a ninja?

A giraffe sleeps for less than two hours a day. This is because their long necks allow them to get at the cocaine other browsing animals cannot reach.

My son recently saw a beautiful dog, Jack, for sale, and asked if we would be able to buy it. I said that we don’t have enough room for in the house for him. Oh well, maybe his new foster parents will buy him a dog, who knows?

I joined a line of people outside the taxidermists. An animal rights activist approached and said, “What’s going on?” I said, “Fur queue.” He said, “There’s no need to be rude.”

Thought i saw an insect that only comes out in the 5th month of the year, wasn’t sure though. May Bee, May Bee not.

Did anyone see the Cat on the pitch at Anfield? It was only on for three minutes and went past more people than Stewart Downing has all season.

Ive realised my wife has a lot in common with turkeys. Too much skin around the neck and they both like to gobble.

Just took a video of an angry lion… was some roar footage

I was telling my mate I just got myself a labrador. He said: “Oh they’re really nice dogs, I love them but they make you go blind.”

Squirrels have the kind of life every man wants – they spend the whole autumn getting their nuts and then sleep all winter.

Just got to go feed the cat …To something that eats cats.

Head Lice: They’re living on the fringes of society.

An animal rights protestor came up to me and asked if i liked animals Only Roasted

What do you get if you cross a zebra with a paki? Run over by me in my lorry.