I knocked on a guys house the other day “I’m really sorry mate but my Cat’s just killed your dog” “Impossible!” He exclaimed, “My dog is a 90lb Pit bull terrier, It would tear a cat to shreads, what happened?!” “Well I was digging up the road with it and I backed up over him”
Continue ReadingMy boss asked me what role I would be having in an upcoming project. “I’ll have a ham and cheese” was my reply.
Continue ReadingI’ve recently started having visits from a hypnotist to help cure my agoraphobia, but I’m not sure it’s working. At the end of each session, he clicks his fingers and says, “And now you’re back in the room.”
Continue ReadingThe police think they’ve foiled my alter ego, “Echoman”. But they haven’t heard the last of him.
Continue ReadingI got fired from my job as a children’s entertainer. I simply misread the the guide book. My act of bending animals into the the shape of balloons scared some of the children.
Continue ReadingBus driver claims three lives. These Lottery jackpot prizes are just getting daft.
Continue ReadingI read Great Expectations – it wasn’t as good as I thought it was going to be.
Continue ReadingBBC News: ‘Stabbed girl had several injuries’ I wonder if they should have followed that up with, ‘Stabbed girl is female’
Continue ReadingAnyone can write horoscopes. It’s piscesy.
Continue ReadingAt the local rugby game, I found out that spelling is very important. That’s the last time I give my mates bare hugs.
Continue ReadingSome bloke knocked on my door last night. He said, “I live around the corner and my daughter has lost her cat, you haven’t seen her have you?” I said, “What does she look like?” He said, “Quite a chubby little thing, about 6 years old, Ginger hair, walks with a limp?” I said, “Yeah, […]
Continue ReadingMy mate from Belfast is claiming the sickness benefit by pretending there’s something wrong with his lower leg. He’s doing a Sinn Fein.
Continue Reading‘…I’m teaching my dog to meow. I think it will help him if he has a second language’.
Continue ReadingWent to a funfair the other day and saw that the sign advertising it was missing the first F. That’s just unfair.
Continue ReadingWelsh cheerleaders. Putting the ”go! go! go!” into Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
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