My wife text me at luncht …
My wife text me at lunchtime and asked what I was up to. I said ”Just been shopping and now getting a Mcdonalds” She replied ”Ooh, Is that for Christmas?” ”Don’t be daft” I said ”It would be cold by then”
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My first lecture was on a …
My first lecture was on at university today. The dean entered the lecture hall to introduce himself to our year and said, “Each of you, take a look at the person to your left, and take a look at the person to your right. According to statistics, one of them will fail to graduate this […]
Continue ReadingA Native American child w …
A Native American child walks to his Native American dad and asks him “Dad, why is my younger brother called Full Moon Rising?”, where he replies, “That’s because when I was making love to your mother, the moon was rising, so we called him that”. The child then asks “And why is my sister called […]
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a Mexica …
What do you call a Mexican who gives step by step instructions? Emanuel.
Continue ReadingI got a rise at work the …
I got a rise at work the other day. It’s that secretary bending over all the time.
Continue ReadingI bought one of those “Me …
I bought one of those “Memory Foam” mattresses the other day, It doesn’t work, I think it’s got amnesia.
Continue ReadingFor years, evolution theo …
For years, evolution theorists have been crossing monkeys with sea water … They’ve eventually come up with the term ..’African-American’
Continue ReadingPizza Huts are the future …
Pizza Huts are the future. As opposed to Pasta tents.
Continue Reading“BBC NEWS – Colin & Chris …
“BBC NEWS – Colin & Chris Weir – 161 MILLION POUNDS!” They also won the lottery you know?
Continue ReadingI work at a sandwich shop …
I work at a sandwich shop. I’m the one who puts the fillings in. That’s my roll.
Continue ReadingI walked into subway the …
I walked into subway the other day and went to the counter the woman asked…”6 incher or foot long?”….I couldn’t help but wonder if that was really relevant.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend says I am b …
My girlfriend says I am blessed downstairs. To be fair, I do have a 40 inch screen, xbox, cinema surround sound and a ps3 so she does have a point.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the definition of …
What’s the definition of an orgy? A party where everyone comes.
Continue ReadingIt’s a well known fact th …
It’s a well known fact that whales are able to communicate over vast distances, up to and even beyond 600 miles. Now, following decades of research and advancement in the field of marine biology, scientists have finally translated these distant calls… “Can you still hear me?”
Continue ReadingMechanic: “Would you like …
Mechanic: “Would you like me to winterize your car?” Customer: “First, summerize the cost.
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