I said to my mate, “The worst thing about this hot weather is the smell of BO from the sweaty Paki’s on the bus.” “I’d say it’s probably the wasps” he replied. “Don’t be silly” I said, “Wasps don’t get BO.”
Continue ReadingA man decides to join the circus.The ringmaster agrees to watch his act in the big top to see if he is suitable. The man climbs a tall tower and jumps off flapping his arms wildly.After a few seconds his fall slows and he soars forward,swoops up,turns and stops in mid air then gently glides […]
Continue ReadingI got a mug shot taken today. Why I had a picture of a mug, I don’t know.
Continue ReadingToday, a guy put a gun to my head and demanded a coconut-filled chocolate bar. I hate Bounty Hunters.
Continue ReadingA German bloke has opened a barbers at the end of our street. Herr Kutt..
Continue ReadingI was going to enter the “Football Supporter Of The Year” contest but everybody says I have no chants
Continue ReadingI spent 3 hours in the garden center today. I’m not sure why. I just enjoy standing in the middle of the lawn.
Continue ReadingI know an oncologist whose wife has cancer, a cardiologist whose wife had a heart attack and a neurologist whose wife has partial brain damage. I’m still the unluckiest out of the four of us. Why? I’m a urologist.
Continue ReadingI bought my baby son Microsoft Office. It’s his first Word.
Continue ReadingI went to the local pub for a drink the other night, but couldn’t help being distracted by a well dressed man moping in the corner. After a while I went over and asked him his story. He told me he was a Lord of a nearby county, but the credit crunch had hit too […]
Continue ReadingThe kids are off school this week, Not sure what I’m gonna do with myself at half 3.
Continue ReadingA sickipedia administrator walks into a library and says, “I’m looking for a book…” The librarian interupts him, “Early learning section.”
Continue ReadingUnsure what form of skating to take up? Go figure.
Continue ReadingWhat qualifications do you need to be a road sweeper? None. You just pick it up as you go along!
Continue ReadingApparently we are going to have a heat wave this summer, the Department of Health has written some guidelines for staying cool: Wear aviators, Smoke, Get a motorbike, Learn to fix things by thumping them……
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