Twas the night before Chr …
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house not a creature was stirring… Until my Dad slapped me for narrating at 1 in the morning.
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The BBC are bringing out …
The BBC are bringing out a new version of Dad’s Army which will include a local gypsy traveller family. Cant wait to see Captain Mainwaring say those immortal words “Dont tell him your name Pikey”.
Continue ReadingJust saw this sign in a c …
Just saw this sign in a camping shop window, This is the discount of our winter tent.
Continue ReadingWomen are like cars. They …
Women are like cars. They cost a fortune to maintain and you only get to fill them up once every two weeks for 40.
Continue ReadingSunbeds. Proof that some …
Sunbeds. Proof that some women can change a light bulb.
Continue ReadingTwo men are to be jailed …
Two men are to be jailed for four years after starting Facebook groups that incited riots. Some people think that’s too harsh, but I think it’s right. I reckon anyone starting a Facebook group should get at least four years.
Continue ReadingI hate when people use th …
I hate when people use the phrase ”it’s really growing on me”. Tumors grow on people and they’re hardly good news.
Continue ReadingWhat is yellow and white, …
What is yellow and white, and throws itself off the edge of the dining table? A lemming meringue.
Continue ReadingGullibility test kit – se …
Gullibility test kit – send 19.99 now!
Continue ReadingI saw a woman crying as s …
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier. Must be going through a tough period in her life.
Continue ReadingA new Pound Store opened …
A new Pound Store opened in my town today, everything is a pound. Went in with a fiver and came out with three tills and 2 checkout girls. Result!
Continue ReadingMy mate said, “We still h …
My mate said, “We still haven’t decided on a name for the baby yet. These things shouldn’t be rushed.” I said, “I can certainly understand why you don’t want to rush this ‘Englebert’.”
Continue ReadingI think when asked the qu …
I think when asked the question “What super power would you have if you could have any?” nearly everyone picks the ability to freeze time and I think we all know FULL WELL why.
Continue ReadingJust seen on the side of …
Just seen on the side of a van “Robert and Robert Painters and Decorators” Sounds a bit of a two bob outfit to me.
Continue ReadingThey say that “it’s not w …
They say that “it’s not who you know, its what you know”. I would say “its what you know about who”.
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