My daughter recently got a chihuahua, and my wife said it would be nice if we bought her some things for the dog. Clearly we had very different ideas; she came home with a chewy toy, I came home with a rat trap.
Continue ReadingI went to see my daughter’s ballet dancing show yesterday and ended up getting thrown out. To be fair, I shoudn’t have stuffed money down the front of her Tutu, but she was good.
Continue ReadingI’ve been gagging to get some peace and quiet from the wife.
Continue ReadingWhen my dog does something wrong in the house I rub his face in it… I use the same system for my girlfriend. That’s the last time she forgets to clean the oven…
Continue ReadingSteve Jobs is going to be buried, there’s a gap for that
Continue ReadingRacism is like hating all foxes because one mauled your kids.
Continue Reading‘The server is experiencing extreme load. Please try again later.’ Who died?
Continue ReadingMy six-year-old son has a little crush on his school teacher, which is normal at that age. I think for just about everybody at some point in their life, there’s one teacher you have a secret crush on. Mine just happens to be my wife’s aerobic teacher.
Continue ReadingI’ve recently got a job in the elevator industry. I’m going right to the top
Continue ReadingAfter watching BBC’s Stargazing, I realised I have to buy a telescope. But the prices are astronomical.
Continue ReadingFrom Facebook: Portugal. Many Who ‘Like’ This Also Like ‘Kidnapping’.
Continue ReadingHow do you make a bear cross? Nail two of them together.
Continue ReadingI saw a homeless guy on the side of the street with a sign that read, “Change please”. I looked at him and said, “No, I like what I’m wearing.”
Continue ReadingI don’t get all these 10 year olds being teased for not having a date. I mean, when I was their age I was shunned for not knowing how to do an arm fart.
Continue ReadingWhat do you get when you cross Michael Schumacher and Stephen Hawking? Scalextric.
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