I overheard a teenager on the bus last night, saying to his friend, “I still can’t believe it, two weeks ago it looked impossible, but against all the odds the Greeks have managed to stay in it.” It’s so nice to hear young people getting enthused by European politics.
Continue ReadingApparently 50% of married people are unhappy. Yeah, they are called men.
Continue ReadingChina: There are very few countries where you can whistle and your dinner will come to you.
Continue ReadingTo be honest when i’m naked i’ve got nothing against barbwire.
Continue Reading“We don’t want to hire unlucky people!” said the interviewer and randomly discarded half of the applications.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference between Scouse kids and Russian kids? Scouse kids get slaughtered before they go to school.
Continue ReadingI’m the kind of guy that gets out of a hot bath on a cold night when my body is steaming and pretend I’m a super hero.
Continue ReadingCharles Darwin always gave chocolate to children at Christmas. It was a natural selection box.
Continue ReadingThe USA have been responsible for the creation of the atomic bomb, demolition derbies and expensive satellites used to search for aliens. It just goes to show, the Americans have a long history of making nothing out of something.
Continue ReadingYou know its gone wrong when the tissue is red..
Continue ReadingI started my job as a sleeping bag tester. I’m really starting to get into it.
Continue ReadingBloke pulls his car up to the kerb, opens the door and says to the young lad walking home alone, “Hey kid, if I give you a 1 will you come in my car?” Kid says “You could give me a Tenner, still won’t get in the Skoda, Dad!”
Continue ReadingI could read minds, but I’m illiterate.
Continue ReadingI got a chicken today and have a nice recipe for it using plum tomatoes. Unfortunately it couldn’t get its claws round the tin opener.
Continue ReadingI know its traditional to throw rice at weddings but I was walking past an Indian do in Bradford at the weekend so I chucked half rice half chips.
Continue Reading