When does a Cub Scout bec …
When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout? When he eats his first Brownie.
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Last night I went to see …
Last night I went to see The Three Tenors. Ironically it cost me thirty quid.
Continue ReadingMy wife just got a call f …
My wife just got a call from the bank saying her account is being used suspiciously. Apparently no transactions have taken place within the last ten minutes.
Continue ReadingI bought a pair of design …
I bought a pair of designer Calvin Kleins boxer shorts off the internet. The least he could’ve done was wash them first.
Continue ReadingMy mate Daniel wouldn’t b …
My mate Daniel wouldn’t believe me when I told him that his name was an anagram. He’s in denial.
Continue ReadingA man walks into the doct …
A man walks into the doctors alone and says. “Doctors, doctors, you’ve all got to help us. We are feeling very odd todays, we can’t help multiplying everything we says. What is wrong with us doctors?” “Oh, that’s easy.” Replied the doctor. “You’ve got Pleurisy.”
Continue ReadingI recently won the award …
I recently won the award for funniest Sickipedian. When the trophy was presented to me, I spotted my African girlfriend in the audience. She was on her feet cheering. Afterwards i sent her a text saying ‘thanks for the cheer’ using predictive texting, …BIG mistake
Continue ReadingA new exhibition where th …
A new exhibition where the artist uses human excrement to create celebrity portraits opens tomorrow. There’ll be some familiar faeces on show.
Continue ReadingWhat do you get if you cr …
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? Shut down by the RSPCA.
Continue ReadingI was just watching my mu …
I was just watching my mum masturbating. She was asleep ……
Continue ReadingA man was walking down th …
A man was walking down the street with a baby ape in his arms when a friend stopped him and asked what he was doing with the chimp. “I just bought this ape as a pet. We have no children; so he’s going to live with us – just like one of the family. He’ll […]
Continue ReadingI’m a bit of a control fr …
I’m a bit of a control freak, and I’m getting on a bit now, but I wanted the perfect grandchildren before I said goodbye to the world. Naming my daughter ‘David’s Mum’ really got that sorted.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between Gary Glitter and Maddie McCanns parents? Gary Glitter comes back from holiday with more kids than he left with.
Continue ReadingI hate it when I run out …
I hate it when I run out of Staples. So do their security guards.
Continue ReadingI’ve decided to “Do Somet …
I’ve decided to “Do Something Funny for Money” I pushed a Spastic over and knicked his pocket money. I haven’t laughed so much in ages.
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