I’m considering becoming …
I’m considering becoming a professional clown. I have all the right skills. I suffer from depression and I like scaring children.
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my friend told me i was c …
my friend told me i was childish and imature the other day but then so is his mum!
Continue ReadingI’m going to stork using …
I’m going to stork using wading bird puns from heron.
Continue ReadingI went duck shooting toda …
I went duck shooting today. I spotted a duck swimming along and quickly took my aim, and just as I was about to pull the trigger I looked behind it and noticed six cute little ducklings swimming behind her. Luckily I had seven bullets.
Continue ReadingBeing a small stone, I ha …
Being a small stone, I have not got as much courage as I would like. If only I was a little boulder.
Continue ReadingHalal. Is it meat you’re …
Halal. Is it meat you’re looking for?
Continue ReadingI recently went on Dragon …
I recently went on Dragons Den with my new popcorn and I gave the Dragons a bag each to try. Deborah Meaden tasted it and quickly said, “I’m out.” I said, “Wow that was fast. Here’s another bag fatty!”
Continue ReadingWhat’s big, grey and can’ …
What’s big, grey and can’t climb a tree? A carpark
Continue ReadingI had the worst hangover …
I had the worst hangover of my life at work the other day. I’ve never felt so rough; I spent most of the first hour repeatedly vomiting into a sink. I’m not allowed to do any more Baptisms for a while.
Continue ReadingJust met a singing oven H …
Just met a singing oven He had a great range
Continue ReadingAs a doctor at a fertilit …
As a doctor at a fertility clinic, I try to ignore this recession the country is in, I’ve far more impotent things to worry about.
Continue ReadingGot back home from servin …
Got back home from serving in Helmand province and there was a big smelly Afghan, playing around on my bed with my wife. Lovely dog, but it’s hairs were getting everywhere.
Continue ReadingI felt sick today. I’m no …
I felt sick today. I’m not sure whose it was but it had carrots in it.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a girl l …
What do you call a girl living in the playboy mansion in the Czech Republic? Czechmate.
Continue ReadingAlways take a tin of nove …
Always take a tin of novelty pasta to wedding receptions. That way, if you get bored, you can throw a few shapes on the dancefloor.
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