When I was playing with m …
When I was playing with my little model car, my mate said it would be much better if it was remote controlled. ‘Alright, no need to get RC with me,’ I replied
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Working at a bakery, I te …
Working at a bakery, I tend to make a lot of breadful buns.
Continue ReadingStatistically 10 in 2 peo …
Statistically 10 in 2 people suffer from Dyscalculia
Continue ReadingMy mate died of Aids afte …
My mate died of Aids after being sucked off by an African. It was a fatal blow.
Continue ReadingMy daughter told me this …
My daughter told me this morning that when she was older she wanted to be a businesswoman and run a chocolate factory. Aren’t kids adorable! Of course I was honest and explained to her there is no such word as ‘businesswoman’.
Continue ReadingI’ve never been one to ca …
I’ve never been one to call a spade a spade. So it came as no surprise when I was fired from the casino.
Continue ReadingMy blind mate just finish …
My blind mate just finished reading a book. He said it was brailliant.
Continue ReadingGive a man a fish, and he …
Give a man a fish, and he’ll feed himself for a day. Beat him to death with his own shoe, and he won’t be hungry anymore.
Continue ReadingI’m going to make a comic …
I’m going to make a comic strip. I’ll break into Jimmy Carr’s dressing room and force him to take off his clothes.
Continue ReadingI was proud when my son t …
I was proud when my son told me he’d joined the commandos. Until I found out he’d just thrown all of his underpants away.
Continue ReadingAs I pulled my wife’s kni …
As I pulled my wife’s knickers off last night, I thought … I must stop giving hand jobs to articles of clothing.
Continue ReadingI got into the World Cham …
I got into the World Championship fencing team; we can put up four in ten minutes.
Continue ReadingI was shopping online on …
I was shopping online on my lunch break at work the other day. I went to Ikea’s website, and ordered the ‘Lack’ furniture series. When I got home, my house had been burgled.
Continue ReadingI was in the pub last nig …
I was in the pub last night with some friends for the pub quiz. One said to me, “Are you any good at general knowledge?” I replied, “I don’t know much about history, don’t know much biology, don’t know much about a science book, don’t know much about the French I took, but we’ll be […]
Continue ReadingI dialled a wrong number …
I dialled a wrong number today. I desperately needed an ambulance as my wife had collapsed but instead I rang Babestation.
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