It was announced today that scientists from Dorset have been planning and building their own version of the particle collider at Cern. Due to start the experiments in November, they already have the string and are just waiting for the conkers to come into season.
Continue ReadingA gangster friend decided to tell me the best way to rob a bank. I took some notes.
Continue ReadingI just played a gig to the ladies topless wrestling society. They were a pretty, tough audience.
Continue ReadingI used to go out with a vocal coach, but it was always me me me me meeeee with her
Continue ReadingWhy is milk fast? Because it’s pasteurised before you see it.
Continue ReadingPick an exclusive Dracula costume next time and make it Count.
Continue ReadingI’m struggling to finish my wordsearch puzzle on Victorian villains. I can’t see Hyde nor Hare.
Continue ReadingThat’s what happens when you mess with time travel, Dr Emmit Brown on the guitar at the closing ceremony at the 2012 olympics
Continue ReadingAs I approached the airport check in desk with my wife, I started to get very nervous and sweaty. If I was going to get out of this country, I was going to have to lie my socks off. The woman at the desk could see my discomfort. “Excuse me sir. Did you pack your […]
Continue ReadingVids aren’t the best way to advertise animated movies. Pixar
Continue ReadingA farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow’s ear. The farmer didn’t think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one […]
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend never went that ‘Extra Mile’ for me. So I got a Restraining Order, now she has to.
Continue ReadingEver been so tired at work that people thought you were drunk? I hope so because thats the only excuse I have for being drunk at work.
Continue ReadingA star walks into a black hole, but doesn’t seem phased, so the black hole turns to the star and says, Sir, I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation.
Continue ReadingNow I’m not going to brag, but the chips I make at my chip shop are so good they’ve been in The Mirror, The Sun and many other newspapers.
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