QJOQ

I only buy British soil. I don’t like any of that foreign muck.

The body of a man, who regularly gave information about criminals to police, has been found dumped on wasteland. Next of kin have been informed on.

I went into a poster factory with a gun and shouted, “Stick ’em up”.

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. So we took his bike off him. Then he just sat in the garden and barked all day. So we gave him his bike back. Because his bark was worse than his bike.

I have seconds to live. Otherwise my anorexia will worsen.

I said to my mate, ‘I’ll bet you 20 that you can’t name one topic that I don’t know a joke about’ He said, ‘Beavers’ Dam

My wife asked if she could get the landscape gardeners in. I said,” No way.” She said,” Why?” I said,” Because you’ve already got the milkman, the postman and me in, so there’s no spare holes.”

I’m dating a French mathematician who has an obsession for square numbers. She’s really starting to get on my neufs.

i’ve just finished reading a book about a well-loved but ill dog, it was really hard to put it down