Category: wordplay

My teacher told me to get a job in publishing… He tells my I’m the right type

My wife told me to turn the Tele on last night So I told it how much I wanted it right now.

Just hearing the sad news that the guy who featured in the original ‘Just For Men’ advert dyed.

the BBC are showing repeats of The Flintstones in the middle east the people of Jordan dont want it but….. abu dhabi do

I got fined by the council today for letting my dog foul in the park. He ran up and tackled a poodle from behind.

B&Q didn’t have any imaginary paint. So I asked if they could make some up for me.

I just walked past a tramp on the way to the gym.. ‘Change Please’ he kept saying..i felt sorry for him so i took my suit off and got into my gym kit.

This nurse friend of mine had a fit when I told her that I popped a boil that I had. She said, “you can die of complications.” Personally, I don’t see what all the pus is all about.

I’ve just returned from hospital after a severe joint problem. Well they called it rehab, actually.

“I need to go and see a psychiatrist” I said “Why, what’s wrong with you?” “I think i’m going mad, and losing my sanity.” “I wouldn’t worry about it” replied my dog.

My friend told me that there’s going to be loads of races at Royal Ascot this week, but I’m pretty sure it will just be English and Arabs like usual.

I saw OCDC once. They played all their hits in alphabetical order.

I’ve never invented anything, except this broken calculator. Does that count?

My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with Star Wars and masturbation. I told her “Whatever, I’m going upstairs for a Han Solo with my Lightsaber.”

My Granddad gave me an unexploded grenade from the First World War and said, “Take this to auction and see how much you can get for it” Later that day I came home and he said, “So? How much was it worth?” I said, “They offered me a thousand pounds” He said, “Where is it […]