Category: wordplay

I met my 13 year old son’s new “girlfriend” this evening. It’s weird, I swear I’ve come across her before..

Today I saw a sign that said ‘Walkway slippery when wet’. I was truly amazed because signs don’t usually talk.

Daily Mail: “How’s that for a remarkable young man? Cricket prodigy is talented spin bowler despite having NO HANDS” Unfortunately when he goes into bat he’s always stumped.

Uncooked burgers are very rare these days

I’m the best teacher at my school for the deaf… Watch and learn.

My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104. We called her Aunt Tique.

When I heard the ferry carrying the transplant organs had capsized, my heart sank.

I went asleep in my bed last night, yet woke up surrounded by allotments… I think they are plotting against me….

Just bought some counterfeit Mr Kipling’s. I must say, they’re exceedingly good fakes.

No Katy Perry, he’s not an alien, just black

BBC News: Woman leaving nightclub was murdered with blunt object. She must have been hammered.

Some people like them mashed, boiled or roasted, but I like my potatoes cooked by a Chav. Sauteed.

I kicked out my wife last night… It’s like licking out but uses considerably more foot.

Procrastinators unite!… tomorrow.

Yesterday, I put a bulemic in a washing machine. It was sick and twisted.