Category: wordplay

I’m not bothering with any of the soaps in the new year. I know I’ll smell, but I just cant afford them.

Owls really are wise. I just asked one what 235 times 12 was and he said 2820.

My mate started a new business and i asked what he did “We add together business’ monthly profit over a year and divide it by twelve” I asked “how’s it going” “average”

What’s the difference between Christians & Polar Bears. Christians pray in chapels & polar bears prey on Chapples.

My girlfriend said she’s going to leave me if I don’t start facing up to the fact that I can’t actually speak French and should stop using bits of it in conversation. Je know she’s just jealous…

My Son was tragically killed in a motor sport accident when his car ended up in a ditch. It was a comfort when his mates rallied around at the funeral.

I was looking at my coat of arms today and I thought to myself, “I really need to stop amputating people.”

I’ve had a medical discharge from the Army. I’m Iraqnaphobic.

I’m so upset my wife of ten years has left me for a manager of a car rental company. It Hertz.

I won a race at the fair yesterday… But it was the French – so I swapped them for a stuffed bear.

As I sat there waiting for my date to show up, I could not help but think “Yes, this is going to be my lucky day!” After a minute or two, a hot blonde walked in from the back. She wore a tight red dress, black high heels and her hair came down on white […]

Isn’t it ironic that Rangers have been saved by Green and Whyte.

After dropping acid with a friend he turned to me and said, “I think I’m having a bad trip. I feel like a rotten apple, do you know what I mean?” I said, “Nah mate, I feel peachy.”

in 1994, the scatman was a dance music smash hit. Nowadays he’d be the most disgusting superhero ever,

My girlfriend and I have been going through an A-Z of Greek Islands to decide where to go on our holidays. In desperation we eventually chose Zakynthos, It was the last resort.