Category: wordplay

I cried for hours when someone spelt my name without a capital letter. I’m very case sensitive.

I tried to take my wife line dancing with me, but we always ended up getting in a row.

I brought an icicle into work today. It’s gone into liquidation.

My skinny neighbour gets pushed about by everybody in our street. He really needs to get a new car.

I guess it’s alright working for a parcel delivery company. It has its UPS and its downs.

I fell asleep whilst rafting the other day. I just drifted off.

I bought a pirate DVD yesterday. Johnny Depp was brilliant in it.

The company I work for has announced a 57% pension reduction. When I retire I get a biro.

I’m a man stuck in a woman’s body. Rigor Mortis set in earlier than I expected.

I just booked a holiday and in the brochure it said No hairdressers on site Bonus a holiday without the wife.

I can’t believe it. My first day working as a Santa and they gave me the sack.

What have my Grandad and the England players got in common? They were both bombed out badly by the Germans in the black country..

Cif ? CIF ?!?!! What junt came up with that idea?

Just spent the evening with a medium…..Well I say medium but if the truth be known she was rather on the large side.

My mate laughed at me this morning because I woke up with a punchline written on my face. The joke’s on him though.