Category: wordplay

The wife says I should stop inserting Bruce Willis films into sentences Old habits die hard.

I don’t know why Wife gets so upset with my constant lying. I always make it up to her.

I wasn’t in the mood to bury my wife’s dead dog so I thought,”Stuff it.”

My girlfriend now agrees that I’ve got the smelliest farts in the world. She just doesn’t like it when I rub it in her face.

My father left when i was a child. He couldn’t cope with his job as a Taxi Driver. He just drove off without any Indication.

I did a drunken Cheryl Cole yesterday. The viewers booed me and told me this was the worst imitation they had ever seen.

While over here touring Great Britain, the Pope is hoping to visit a few Catteries around the country, because he really loves cats. I suppose you could say he’s a Catholic.

BBC News: Rapists sentence to be halfed if they admit it. Yes your honour, i did ra

I’m a huge fan of crisscrossing lines. It’s unparalleled.

My wife sometimes goes to selfridges to buy her clothes. Times are hard.

I have developed a way of unfreezing food, by hitting it with a big hammer. I call it ‘Thoring’.

I’ve searched for this radio active, but I can’t pick it up. Anyone know what frequency it’s on?

I saw some kids spray painting “WE’RE ALOUD TO REBEL” on a wall. I thought, “That shouldn’t be aloud.”

The secret to success is honesty & good bookkeeping…. if you can fake those you’re sorted.

Thought I would try shaving with my back to the mirror, but I can’t see myself doing that