Category: wordplay

The Second Coming of Christ: Not as impressive as the first, but he still managed to get some in her hair.

siyoung91 wrote: This Thursday on BBC2: Wonderland: Can We Get Married? “Emma and Ben are 28 and have been together for 6 years. They’re thinking of getting married but both have Down’s syndrome. Will marriage be everything they’ve dreamed of?” ____________________________________ No because two mongs don’t make a right.

Our local Dominoes has shut down. Not sure why, but can’t help feeling that’ll be the first of many.

I’m going to treat my wife this weekend. Some wood varnish should do the trick.

I was out sailing the other day when all of a sudden a load of meat floated past me. It was a bit choppy.

I’ve just started my new shift pattern at work but I’m not sure what to make of it. It’s early days.

My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.

Horses are easily alarmed, which is just as well as I don’t want mine stolen.

My wife got the sack this morning. It was hessian and now she’s at the bottom of a lake.

I work at a watersports centre. We’re having a sale.

If I had a billion pounds for every time I underestimated… I would be a millionaire.

autocorrect me once shame on you. autocorrect me twice….and you can go duck yourself you witch!!

“Mr. Bond, I have a preposition for you.” “Let’s hear it then.” “With.”

I murdered my teacher with a protractor… I’m being done for 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree murder.

It really hurts being labelled “Paedo” by my neighbours. They put it on with a staple gun.