Category: wordplay

The wife tends to have her bath with only a couple of inches or so of water in. Tried it myself last night. It didn’t float my boat.

Be careful when taking sleeping pills. You don’t want to accidentally overdoze.

Typical. I just copped off with the office bike and she’s on her cycle.

I got taken to prison today and was given a cavity search I tried telling the guy my teeth are in perfect condition but he wouldn’t listen

There was a queue at the boxing club. That’s the punch line.

‘Rise in domestic abuse levels after Old Firm matches’. Is there anything the Scottish don’t prefer battered?.

I just told my wife that I was planning to attach a giant helium balloon to my new yacht. “Whatever floats your boat…” she replied.

The deadliest disease that can be spread on the London Underground… Tuberculosis.

I have been trying to make a sentence in which I use the words to and too next to each other. But I just can’t seem to put to and too together. ——————– I tried to too!

I told a Tulisa joke in the pub last night to all my mates, but it didn’t go down very well.

I’ve founded a company fixing car ignitions. It’s a start up business.

I was imprisoned for raping a Minor. It must be the Soot, sweat and big Machinery that gets me going.

When my wife died I hit the bottle, which was nice because I then had a cuddly toy to remember my great day at the carnival by.

I was sat in a T.V studio, pondering the most comical way to be hit in the face by some recording equipment when, BOOM, it hit me.

Sky have won the rights to the World Origami Championship. Unfortunately it’s only on paper view.