Category: wordplay

I was round at my mates house for his annual fancy dress party last night next year I’m gonna go as a triangle

I managed to organize a gathering of the people in the world with the biggest shoe sizes. Took me a while, it was no small feat.

I banged my head on a low bridge. I would have been okay if viaduct.

I put a couple of ‘t’s in my beer last night. I think it made it better.

GALILEO : Great mind! EINSTEIN : Genius mind! NEWTON : Extraordinary mind! BILL GATES : Brilliant mind! ME : Master mind! YOU: Never mind!

Bee keeping is a weird profession to aspire to. Although, I hear it’s buzzing in the summer.

I have a slapdash approach to training my children for track sports. Either they dash, or I slap them.

They say that laughter is the best medicine. If that’s true, does watching Lenny Henry give you cancer?

What do you call a girl who wears cheap clothes and thinks she’s all that? A primark donna

I left the pub a bit late, thereby missing the last bus. Well cry me Arriva.

Ever since my accident at work, I’ve been going round changing bulbs and flicking switches. I’m on light duties.

In the short run, Warwick Davis was a close second behind Mini Me.

I’ve just bought a polystyrene door. Twenty quid, you can’t knock it.

I’ve started a counterfeit operation, selling fake colours. Tan is the most popular.

My wife is my better half but my secretary is my better hole