Category: wordplay

I wanted to join the police but I failed the screening process. I couldn’t even play ‘Every Breath You Take’.

I bought a pair of trousers the other day which were a bit tight around the waist so I decided to let them out. I should have waited till they got used to the place. They’ve been gone four hours now and think they’re lost.

i told my mate that stainless steel was in the periodic table, but it was alloy.

Why does Ron Atkinson’s jacket say “RA” on the front? He had a Cyst removed.

Does anybody else enjoy eating finely shredded brains? Grate minds and all that…

The answer is sheep……….. Thats what I herd anyway.

My son came home from school with a new bookmark Where the teacher threw a hardback at him

I don’t really like proteins, amateur teens are far better plus they don’t charge.

I threw a set of industrial speakers at my dad’s head once. He looked tannoyed.

I ordered an Indian earlier. Told him to make me a curry.

I’m going on a field trip tomorrow… Me and a few mates are going to a country park to do some magic mushrooms.

i’ve started up a business selling fishing rods… to be honest its not really catching on

I just watched a movie about tornadoes. There was a huge twist towards the end.

Today I found out that my eldest son was guilty of murder and theft. I’ve had a bad heir day.

Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a day…… …..Set a man on fire, and you’ll most likely be convicted of murder in the first degree.