Category: wordplay

My mate said I did the best impression of a leaf he’d ever seen. I was blown away.

What’s more boring than watching paint dry? Watching dry paint

What do you get when you mix acid and alcohol? A mol ester

I entered a race where one foot had to be in contact with the ground at all times. I walked it.

I had a fry up the other day. That’s the last time I go backstage at QI.

My wife saw sense and threw her thongs out. To be honest, they were wearing a bit thin.

I took my daughter for a ride on the carousel today. The staff at Heathrow Airport were outraged.

I can’t believe it, just got a restraining order by Cheryl Cole just for following her on Twitter for the last year. Twitter being my nickname for my moped.

i got in from work today and my wife said i want you to finger me ‘ so i rang the social and told them she’s signing on and working

A Scotsman just offered me a box of silverware and a case of Wrigley’s Spearmint. So I said, “I can take your knives, but I’ll never take your free gum.”

I’m doing some charity work next week if anyone is interested in sponsoring me. I’m going to be growing a tumor in aid of people with moustaches.

HMV to close sixty stores. Is this the Vinyl Countdown?

GEGS Scrambled eggs

50% of British adults have never been for an eye test. They don’t know what they’re missing.

I bet my friend I could erect a building in a week. I put my house on it.