Category: wordplay

If you write the word Chinese in itallics you get a slanty eye

A local theatre recently put me in charge of casting. I was soon fired however when the director was taken into hospital with a fishhook through his cheek.

A bloke down the pub said he was once locked up for dismembering someone. So I asked, “You mean sectioned?” “Yes”, he said, “I pulled his arms and legs off.”

Yahoo! is reportedly making a discussion board for underage mums, so they can all meet, talk, and relate to one another. It’s going to be called “Yahoores.”

I commissioned a study to find out why my missus likes Chinese food so much. The study revealed that it is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is Not Now.

I have found out the meaning of life. It’s a noun and the description is on page 327 of the Oxford English Dictionary.

I am a master of subtlety, but not many people realise that.

I ordered an Indian last night. I was told the delivery may take 5 days but that she comes with a free nan.

OWW!! How could I jab several items of cutlery into my leg by accident?! Four forks ache…

Q.S.V.X.X. The National Society of Bad Abbreviators.

My pet octopus has given birth. It was a surprise as we didn’t even know she was pregnant. But we had an inkling.

My cat is called glue. I know it’s a funny name, but it kinda stuck.

While getting ready for a wedding my wife couldn’t decide on which hat to wear, she asked me “Is this one too forward?” I replied “No, I can still see your face”

If you hang yourself using rope, then is the tension literally killing you?

I was sacked yesterday for being a pervert. I don’t understand why, I’m always hard at work.